The following is a true(ish) story of a true(ish) faith, their practitioners refer to it only as “The Way”
What really went on with “The Way”? Was it a group of pranksters? Rebels with barely any cause fighting for their seat at an empty table? Or an actual Cult with a hidden religious agenda?
To start my interview to try to delve into the events of the past I went to the place where it all started: Whassamadda U. I found my way to the offices of a Mr. Dominic K. Rodriguez, the Vice Principal of the school.
Me: So Mr. Rodriguez did you know a student named Jonathan that went here?
MrR: know him? Yeah. I knew Jon. He was in to that rock n’ roll stuff. KISS that stuff. He used to hang out with these troublemakers. They would do wacky stuff like poop in shoes or take off all their clothes and scream.
Me: Really? Wait, poop in shoes?
MrR: Hell yeah negro. I said poop in shoes.
Me: I mean, I’m sorry… it’s just.
MrR: Yeah, Dylan Sullivan, he pooped in a shoe. He stole the shoe and *plop* just pooped in it. Then he put it in a greasy paper bag and gave it to someone.
Me: That’s odd, why?
MrR: Good question. Well Dylan did most of the crazy stuff. My guess is he was emotionally disturbed. Probably raped or beaten as a small child.
Me: Hmm. Interesting so Dylan lead them?
MrR: No, actually a kid aptly named Alec Brown led them.
Me: Why was it apt?
Me: what constituted him being “aptly” named?
MrR: Shit if I know. I grew up on the streets bitch. Let me tell my story.
Me: Yes, sorry sir.
MrR: Anyway Alec Brown, he was a charismatic S.O.B. who rallied the group. He would stand on tables and raise a hootinany. He was pretty much known for this kind of junk. Oh, he had an afro that’s important.
Me: Well what did these kids do, you know, besides poop in shoes?
MrR: Well they thought they were hot stuff. Dylan took the slacks off his friend grant and got expelled, I mean underpants and all. Half the school saw his balls. Basically every year that sort of thing goes down. But man, these kids really milked it. They made t-shirts, all this craziness.
Me: Well what happened?
Me: I mean did you, you know… free Dylan?
MrR: Oh, lord no. I had that bitch right where I wanted him. We have this saying on the streets: “Blood in Blood out.” Ever heard of it?
Me: Yes, well… in movies and stuff. But was does that have to do…
MrR: IN MOVIES? I’M TALKIN BOUT THE STREETS BITCH! I HAD TO KILL TO SURVIVE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO YOU?
This concluded my interesting interview with Mr. Rodriguez. I was beginning to lose hope. Would my search ever find the true answers to the questions? “The Way” was becoming so more complex than I had previously expected… What would the future have in store?
Sages of the Way: In Depth has been dubbed
“Provocative” by the Rolling Stone
“A second look at the kids who brought you ‘The Way’ trilogy” US weekly
“Jonathan is so sexy he makes me want to pee my pants” People
Sages of the Way: In Depth Part B
On my way to find out what really drove the hoodlums of the way to push the edge on their antics I decided that Alec may have been the Mind of “The Way” but Dylan certainly was the soul. He was the source of their unending wackiness.
I had found that Dylan now resided in a Ward in Jefferson, CA. I scheduled an Interview with him at the ‘Trellvelcious; Institute for the Impaired’
I came into this not knowing was to expect. Only having heard of Dylan’s exploits I looked forward to this amazing chance to talk to him face to face. What would the interview hold? I entered TII and first and foremost noticed the security. I was searched and put through a metal detector before I was even allowed to enter the premises. I had a guard escort me through the building to Dylan’s room. When we entered his cell upon meeting him I extended an arm only to realize that his movement was constricted by a straight jacket.
Me: Hello, Dylan. It’s nice to finally meet you.
Me: Do you know why I’m here?
Dylan: Yep. 49, 42,
Me: Okay, well then let’s get started…
Dylan: 35. You’re here to take my candy.
Me: … Excuse me?
Dylan: 28. Don’t act innocent, red. 21. You’re here for the candy. 14. Bubbles told me all about your plans.
Dylan: 7. Yes Bubbles the crying chimpanzee. He knows.
Me: Bubbles is mistaken. I’m here to ask you some questions.
Dylan: Enough of your communist lies. Me and Bubbles know what you up to.
Me: Dylan I assure you…
Dylan: NO! I’ll never give you the candy!!!!!
Me: Let’s take a deep breath, okay?
Dylan: Because a vision SOFTLY CREEPING, left it’s seeds WHEN I WAS SLEEPING
Me: Dylan, please,
Dylan: AND THE VISION THAT WAS PLANTED IN MY BRAIN!!!! IT STILL REMAINS!!!!!! Tell him Bubbles. THE SOUND OF….
Me: are you do…
Me: I’m not amused
Dylan: Your nutty Bubbles. I mean it, your laffy taffy. What? Shut it bubbles! FUCKING SHUT IT BUBBLES!!!!
Dylan: You think I’m crazy Jake? Bubbles is nuts. BUBBLES IS A FUCKING SCREWBALL!!!! Shutup. I’m watching you asshole. I’m sorry what were you saying?
Me: Thank you, I just wanted to ask about your involvement in “The Way”
Dylan: Listen commie, I already told you I don’t know what your talking about. “The Way?” That’s crazy talk and I’ve had enough of it.
Me: but sir….
Dylan: You know what the Izumaki tribe of Native Americans say?
Dylan: They say, with one word the child’s toy finds itself out-smarted by the vicious fox, wild as the cane crackers that steal my bicycle tires, and my cough drops, leaving none at the bottom of my bag when, I go for the final relief, and a series of psychic balances are toppled but every so slightly we all ease into one consciousness like falling jenga pieces, some of us find this extremely distasteful, as we are opposed to unity, but for the very same reason we cannot cohesively fight against this magnet of Nirvana. You’ll be pissed when your one with your brother, well not exactly, as you will be experiencing eternal unconditional love.
Me: They don’t say that.
Dylan: I know. (whispering): 58, 51, 44, 37, 30, 23….
So another interview and I wasn’t any closer to finding anything else out about “The Way.” Seriously basic questions like “WTF is The Way?” remain unanswered, but as a journalist, I can only continue the search for these answers. Hopefully next time, we can shed more light on the dark secrets of…. “The Way.”