Top 5: Athletes and their Stans


A “Stan” is a fan of an athlete that irrationally loves and defends that player regardless of any factual evidence you may present as a knock against that player.  The term “Stan” is derived from Eminem’s hit song, “Stan,” where a crazed fan is so in to Eminem that he begins to re-enact all the crazy things Eminem does in his songs.

Being on Twitter, and talking sports in public, I’ve compiled a list of the athletes that have the most dedicated Stans in the world of sports.

1- Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow’s Stans are incredible.  They’re not only dedicated, but they are also the biggest group.  Even ESPN is part of a conglomerate of Tebow Stans, and they feed the fire for Tebow lovers everywhere.  The magnificent thing about Tebow, is that he’s managed this huge fan base, all while being an awful NFL quarterback.  Tebow also holds the distinction for being the only athlete that has Stans that can do his job better than he can.

2- Derrick Rose

A word of advice: never, and I mean NEVER, suggest to a Derrick Rose fan that he is anything other than the best player in the NBA.  LeBron? Unclutch. Kevin Durant? Too skinny.  Dwight Howard? Not loyal.  Derrick Rose? Perfect.  Deficiencies in his game simply do not matter, because he apparently has none.  He’s the perfect combination of speed, court vision, passing ability and scoring ability.  According to Rose Stans, no other player in the NBA can hold a candle to Rose’s game, and that’s because he blows by the candle so quickly, the flame goes out.  Rose Stans are a dedicated bunch that, according to Kevin Lewis (@klew24), will come en masse to defend Rose regardless of the time of day.  3 in the morning, 6 in the evening, it doesn’t matter when it comes to Stanning for Derrick Rose.  There’s a person out there that doesn’t worship Number 1, and they must be stopped.

 

3- Michael Vick

Michael Vick Stans are like the hipsters of the Stan world, because they don’t realize they’re Stanning, and they won’t admit to it.  They just blindly defend the guy that has had nine red zone turnovers in the past two seasons, while no other quarterback has more than five.  Vick has never won anything, he’s an average pocket passer, and his legs get him into more trouble than they’re probably worth.  However, people love the nostalgia of dominating Madden 2004 with Vick, so they continue to overlook the vast deficiencies in his game.  Bring up Michael Vick, and guaranteed at least one person will make the case that he’s a top five quarterback.  He isn’t, but his Stans are too busy running all streaks on Madden ’04 and then rushing for 250 yards per game with him to see that.

4- Kobe Bryant

Kobe’s Stans are probably the saddest in all of sports.  First of all, Kobe Bryant is still an effective NBA player, but the parts of his game that once made him the best player in the NBA are diminishing at a rapid pace.  The Stans don’t see it.  Well, they see it, and ignore it by bringing up the dreaded “he’s got rings” argument.  That’s why Kobe Stans are sad.  There are no stats to turn to, no video evidence that proves he’s still a great player, so they rely on “he has five rings” to make it through the day.  Secondly, his Stans are also some of the most vitriolic in sports.  You say something bad about Kobe Bryant, they tell you he has rings, and then insult you and your family.  That’s not even Stanning anymore, that’s just rude.

5- LeBron James

LeBron Stans are more often than not some of the worst basketball fans on Earth.  Nothing in the world will make them realize that LeBron James is not the undisputed best player to ever grace the NBA hardwood.  There are plenty of stats to back up LeBron James being an exceptional player, but the Stans never use that.  They point to one play in a game one time and use that as a basis for “LeBron is greater than anything ever.”  Not to mention the LeBron Stans also like to detract from other players whenever they do anything bad.  That’s the worst part about them.  Kobe Bryant misses a game-winner, and the LeBron Stans are all over it.  LeBron Stanning includes more discussion about the negatives of other players than the positives of LeBron James.

Honorable Mention- Tony Romo

Tony Romo has the advantage of his team’s owner being a Stan of his, so he’ll be around awhile.  In discussions, his Stans throw everything but yards, completions and touchdowns out the window.  Consequently, Romo’s passes go out that same window and into the arms of a defender.

Honorable Mention- Randy Moss

These people are waiting for 2000 Randy Moss to come back, and they cry every week as Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis reap the benefits of Randy Moss being double covered despite having lost 6 steps.

Honorable Mention- Allen Iverson

What the hell, right?  The guy hasn’t been relevant since Brady Quinn was a thing and there are still a mess of people convinced he could be an effective NBA player.

Honorable Mention- Chris Johnson

A new breed of Stan.  They are fairly new to the Stan game because he recently came into the spotlight for sucking.  Johnson’s Stans don’t care that he’s bad and on a bad team.  To them he’s great, and there’s no telling them otherwise.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: