A little Q & A with Bettina Cross


ImageI have a question for everyone: 

Do you “speak well” of people that recently committed suicide, and could that contribute to the motivation of others that are predisposed for suicide to follow through with the act of suicide?

I have experienced over the past few years having a number of people that I have known commit suicide. After they kill themselves, the community seems to come together and talk about how good they were, how much they are missed. There are always large memorials and events that follow. A couple of them actually have photos of them and little memorials put up at some local businesses long after they have passed. It does not matter how much of a dick they were — once they commit suicide they become misunderstood and almost become a community saint.

My thought is, by talking so well of people that have committed suicide, do we encourage those around us, who may already be having those thoughts, to carry through with those thoughts? Should we not have memorials for people that commit suicide?

Input please… or am I just being a dick for thinking this way?

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Dear Anonymous,

In regards to your question I think it is safe to say that at a memorial where a family member, friend, or someone’s’ baby has just passed away would be a highly inappropriate time to discuss the bad things people have done. I think the reason why we say so many good things when someone has past is because in the living we tend to dwell on all the bad things we have done in the past or present to ourselves or others. I think at a memorial where someone has passed would be the last time to verbally display the good moments you had with someone.

When someone passes you tend to remember all the wrong things you said or did to them. For example: Your father passes away. He was never in your life but right before he died he tried to reach out to you to make amends. He apologizes for his actions and asks to move on. You are at the time being stubborn and uncooperative. You curse him and say evil wishing he was dead. He passes away the next day and all you can think of is that last phase “I wish you were dead.” At the memorial will be your last time to publicly display your emotions. Memorials are a safe place for others to share grief. Grief is part of the process of living in separation and moving on. It’s how we heal and express our common love for someone.

As far as someone committing suicide, that means that there was some deep emotion attached. No one just kills themselves. Suicide is the ultimate form of giving up. Through life you see many die and move on. Survival of the fittest is the natural law. It is our duty to live, to move on and to strive with what little life we have on this earth. No matter what hurdle, trouble or roadblock crosses up we have to move on. Instead of someone scrutinizing their actions I think it is our duty to find the true meaning of them. Majority comes from bullying, lack of failure or emotional stress. I don’t think it is fair to say that suicide is encouraged. If that was the case everyone would do it and our population wouldn’t be so high. People also tend to reach out for help before they do the deed. It has also been noted that there are clear warning signs people should watch out for people in that state of mind. Instead of saying we encourage suicide it might be fairer to say we should educate people on the deeper meaning. This way people can prevent being emotionally unstable to move on with their well-being and life.

All the negative things in our life build character and the positive things we do in our life spreads our legacy. At a memorial is where our legacy is celebrated, so there is where our positive contributions are enunciated. With that being said it’s unfair to shun others who are not vocally available to say why they did what they did. It is not our personal obligation to always know the reason why. It should be out duty to care for one another as human beings. It is in our nature to want to help others and feel emotionally what others are going through.

I hope this clarifies things 😉

Bettina Cross

P.S I didn’t know dicks think…

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