Christmas, Cheese Balls, and the Crayon Incident


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Every Christmas season is pretty much the same for me. One side of the family gets together at one location on Christmas Eve, and the other side gets together somewhere else on Christmas day. Both sides love each other, but come on, there are a lot of us and most of them are old. Here are a few iconic holiday things that cease to disappear every year.

The infamous Cheese Ball. I have no idea what Grandma Sonja puts in it, but as soon as she whips that bad boy out with some Ritz crackers, all Hell breaks loose. Most relatives attack it head on, trying to make small talk to distract their adversaries from the heavenly cheese sphere. Me, I wait, because after they have their fill, I can indulge calmly and take my time with the ball of cheese.

Wii Sports. Again, most of my relatives are older and they want to connect with us young folk. One thing they always do when they visit is challenge us to games in Wii Sports games. My Grandma (same one who plants the deadly cheese ball) claims she used to be a professional bowler. She wins most of the time on the Wii, but as soon as someone gets ahead of her, the old “this dang remote is acting up on me” excuse flies out her mouth. Grandma is great.

Christmas Eve Skate Session. Every year, my father and I head out to a skate park and rip it up on Christmas Eve. Sometimes we have a lot of people, sometimes it is just us. This year we will be chillin’ and killin’ out in Cordelia with about fifteen other skaters. What better way to celebrate the holiday you love by doing what you love?

The Crayon Incident. This only happened once, but it gets reminded every year. So here I was, sitting across the cards table from my Uncle Dan. The table is in the middle of the living room with chairs and couches around the bottom of it so people not playing cards can watch TV. Behind my Uncle is kitchen which is open to the living room. He and I were sitting watching TV because the other seats were taken up. I’m just relaxing, and I hear somebody rip one, like a long one. Every one instantly blames me because I was a teenage boy who leaked like a gas line, BUT it wasn’t me, it was my Uncle. He got red-faced and started busting up laughing and in an attempt to waft the fart away with a  box of crayons, the whole box opened up. We got methane in the air, crayons flying everywhere, people on their knees laughing, my cousin gasping for air as she laughs with cheese ball in her mouth, and I am in the middle of the chaos. The Crayon Incident.

Thanks for reading, check out my last show of the semester this Thursday at 9 am on kssu.com!

Happy Holidays, DJGingerbeard

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