Why Are We So Mean To Drummers?

Why are we so mean to drummers?
Feat. A random assortment of hilariously mean jokes about drummers.

Drummers get a bad rap, probably because they are so difficult to understand. I mean, how can you relate to a person who can do more than one thing at a time? You can’t, unless you also have that talent, in which case we are not going to be friends.

What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality!

Wooow. Okay, joking aside, drummers are actually pretty awesome and people should endeavor to appreciate them more. One of the oldest instruments known to man is an ancient drum which used the skin of an alligator as the membrane! Mad props to those who had to first kill a freaking dinosaur to make some sweet beats. Does it then stand to reason that drummers are classically minded people, who are better in touch with our ancestors? Yeah sure that sounds good.

Why does a drummer put drumstick on the dash of their car? So they can park in the handicap spot!

Digressing, so really, why are we so mean to drummers? My theory: If we interpret band members in terms of a cute coming-of-age story rife with social dissonance and high school drama, the lead guitarist is a jock and the drummer wears glasses and is not a well-adjusted human.  The stereotypical depiction of a Jock is a loud lout whom people tend to listen to for no good reason at all, and because of their allegedly small brains they are incapable of understanding the maladjusted supporting character type. Perhaps lead guitarists have given drummers a bad name for all these years because they are incapable of understanding the way a drummer thinks or operates.

Will the musicians please come to the stage? Oh, and the drummer too…

The drummer doesn’t misunderstand his bandmates poor attempts at beat-boxing their ideas, he/she just thinks they are freaking idiots who have no rhythm. Some study put on by some half-baked Harvard intellectual types found that a drummer’s internal clock doesn’t move linearly like a real clock, but in waves. A similar wave is found in brainwaves, sleeping heart rates, and the nerve firings in felines’ ears. So when a drummer slips up, they’re actually just matching the elemental beat of the entire universe. Also, to be fair, guitarist are pretty awesome too, a similar study revealed that a guitarist’s brain power is statistically more intuitive and matches the firing pattern of someone claiming to have psychic abilities.

Now, to fix the issue. What is the best way to go about—not only being nicer to drummers—but fixing the problem at its root? The answer is simple, start spreading some superstitious voodoo nonsense about a dire consequence to the back bone of your mother every time something mean and untrue is said about a drummer? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous…that isn’t the best solution I’ve got at all!

The solution is to be more tolerant and less awful, obviously.

But drummer jokes are fun.

Those may stay.

Just…don’t sound super serious when you say them.

Also consider doing something nice for a drummer afterwards, as a show of solidarity.


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