Ah, yes. Social media, that thing that pretty much everybody hates, but nobody can live without. Yes, I know the good that social media can do for people, and how great it can be, but at the same time it ruins life. When’s the last meal you’ve had, good thing that’s happened in your life, or cat video you’ve seen that you haven’t shared to your eight real friends and your 483 fake ones on one of these social websites? I’ve fallen victim to it too, so don’t come yelling at me. Anyway, here’s the list:
- Twitter: Twitter should be at the point where if you don’t have one, you’re not a cool kid anymore but for some reason it hasn’t yet. People see it as a glorified way to stalk celebrities and whatnot but it’s a great quick source for news. Also who doesn’t love tweets like, “Hey! Follow me @giantsap for a good time! #shamelessplug.” Hashtags will rule the world one day.
- Instagram: It’s pretty much Twitter but with pictures. Another case where hashtags will become the 46th President of the United States. It’s easy to follow celebrities here too, but it’s a little creepier to see pictures of your favorite celebrity and have the ability to like it. That could just be me but the process of liking a picture a celebrity posted on social media about how much she loves Kanye West is a little weird for me. It’s also very entertaining to read random people argue over the littlest things in the comment section about something that has nothing to do with the photo they commented on.
This is where the list gets pretty bad. Honestly, if social media was just Twitter and Instagram, the planet Earth would be a great place to live.
- MySpace: Is Tom still a thing? Is he still your friend? Is there still PC4PC going on? These questions are unanswered to me because I don’t have a MySpace any more like most human beings. This now defunked website that I think is for music now, I’m pretty sure it is, is still better than most social media sites there is now.
- Kik: I have no idea what this is. I’m writing this article on a college radio state blog website and I feel this Kik thing is for 12 year olds. If you’re a college student, please don’t Kik. Just don’t do it. I might make a commercial saying that.
- Tinder: I have a girlfriend. I have for the past three and a half years. I have no interest to make a Tinder account. I don’t understand the concept of swiping to the right or left. Which way is the good way? In all seriousness, if you want to find some love on the internet, Craigslist exists and there’s some cool people there.
- Snapchat: In the list of worst inventions ever, Snapchat is at least top 3. Yes, I have one. Yes, I hate myself every time I open it. It used to be cool when I could send things to people and have it be gone forever and not have second thoughts of sending an embarrassing picture of me without my makeup on. Now there’s that stupid screenshot thing they added which ruins the concept of having the picture disappear. Also, there’s the stupid third party apps that allow people to save pictures sent to them automatically to their phone. Those third party apps get hacked, search the snappening. You’ll see.
- FarmersOnly.com: Seriously, this is a thing. I have a URL to prove it. Remember though, city folks just don’t get it.
- Getting hit by a truck
126: Facebook: The absolute worst. I have one, you have one, he/she/they have one but it is the absolute worst. Yeah, it’s cool getting in touch with old friends but that’s the only cool thing about it. No I don’t want to help you save the princess in the game of Monkey’s Who Fly. No I don’t play Farmville. Stop sending me game requests people. Just stop. Facebook is where too many people get opinions and choose to use their opinions for evil. No, I don’t want to like your status for a rate. I don’t get to make you feel good about your life because I clicked a stupid like button and I don’t care if you rate me a -3 because I already know I’m a horrible person and I don’t need you to confirm it. If we all just stepped away from Facebook the world would be a better place, but we can’t.
After reading this I hope everybody deletes their Facebook and gets a Twitter because all the cool kids tweet now. Do yourself a favor and start living a full life today.
Andrew is a DJ with KSSU